When You Don't Know What to Do Next
When a decision feels bigger than a decision.
A friend and mentor of mine once told me, choosing between good and bad is easy. Choosing between good and better is difficult, and choosing between bad and worse is the hardest.
Maybe you're trying to decide whether to take the job. Move to a new city. Stay in a relationship—or leave one. Marry this person. Divorce this person. Make a major change. Begin something new. Or let go of something that has been part of your life for a very long time.
You've probably already thought about it. A lot.
Maybe you've made the pros-and-cons lists. Talked to people you trust. Googled everything there is to Google. Imagined every possible outcome. And you're still stuck. Because sometimes the hardest decisions aren't difficult because we don't have enough information.
They're difficult because something deeper is at stake.
Who am I becoming? What do I really want? What am I afraid of? What am I being invited toward? What am I being asked to let go of? What matters most to me now? Can I trust myself to make this decision correctly?
And, for some of us:
What does God—or my Higher Power—have to do with any of this?
You don't have to know the answer before you begin exploring the question. Sometimes we simply need somewhere quiet enough to hear what's underneath all the noise. And perhaps you need someone to walk you through the process.
Sometimes a pros-and-cons list isn't enough.
Practical information matters. There are decisions where research, advice, finances, timing, and plain common sense should absolutely have a seat at the table. But sometimes you've considered all of those things and still find yourself thinking:
Yes, but what am I supposed to do?
That's where discernment can be helpful. Spiritual discernment isn't fortune-telling. It isn't finding the one secret answer God has hidden somewhere and hoping you don't choose incorrectly. It's a different kind of listening. We can slow down and pay attention to what happens inside you as you consider each possibility.
Where do you experience peace? Where do you feel resistance? What brings a sense of freedom or possibility? What makes you feel smaller? What are you drawn toward? What are you afraid of losing?
And sometimes we discover that what looks like indecision is actually something else entirely. Maybe you already know what you want, but you're afraid of the consequences. Maybe you know what you don't want, but giving yourself permission to admit it feels frightening. Maybe two genuinely good choices are competing with each other.
Maybe you're trying to distinguish between fear telling you to stay safe and wisdom telling you to pay attention.
Or perhaps you're wondering whether that persistent nudge you've been feeling might have something to do with God, the Divine, your Higher Power—or whatever language makes sense within your spiritual life.
That's something we can listen for together. I won't make the decision for you. But I can help you create enough quiet around the decision that you may begin to recognize what is yours to do.
What if I make the wrong decision?
Sometimes the hardest part of making a decision isn't choosing between two possibilities. It's the fear that one of them is wrong.
What if I leave and regret it? What if I stay and nothing changes? What if I take the opportunity and fail? What if I walk away from something I was supposed to pursue?
And if God or your Higher Power is part of your life, there may be another layer:
What if there is something I'm supposed to do—and I miss it?
That can turn discernment into an exhausting search for certainty. We may start analyzing every feeling, looking for signs, asking everyone else's opinion, or waiting for some unmistakable moment when the correct answer finally becomes obvious. Sometimes that moment comes.
And sometimes it doesn't.
Spiritual direction can offer another way to approach the decision—not by guaranteeing the outcome, but by helping you listen more deeply to yourself, your values, your circumstances, and your relationship with the Divine. We can notice what seems to bring you toward greater freedom, honesty, love, courage, and wholeness. We can also pay attention to fear, obligation, guilt, old expectations, and the voices you've carried for so long that you may not even realize they're there.
And if you believe your Higher Power is involved in this decision, we can listen for that too. Not because I have access to God's answer key. But because sometimes another person listening alongside us can notice something we can't hear clearly when we're standing in the middle of our own lives.
You don't have to be certain before you move forward.
Sometimes discernment is less about eliminating every possibility of making a mistake and more about becoming grounded enough to make the most honest, faithful choice you can with what you know now.
You don't have to know what to do before you come.
You don't need to have narrowed it down to two perfect choices, maybe there it’s not just A and B, but you can’t see that from where you are. Maybe there is a C, D or even E! You don't need to know what God wants. You don't need to have your fears sorted from your intuition, your desires separated from everyone else's expectations, or a clear sense of where any of this is leading.
You can bring the whole messy decision.
We can slow it down. We can listen to what you're saying—and sometimes to what you're having trouble saying.
We can notice what keeps surfacing, what brings peace, what creates tension, what you're longing for, what you're afraid of, and what may be asking for your attention. And if God, the Divine, or a Higher Power is part of the way you understand your life, we can make room to listen for that presence too.
You don't have to come knowing the answer.
That's the point. Sometimes you just need a place where you can hear yourself—and perhaps something greater than yourself—a little more clearly.
If you're standing at a crossroads and don't know what comes next, I'd be honored to sit there with you for a while.